When they had a beautiful mind

He lit a candle and sat down, cross legged. How come it was that he knew the secrets of the beyond and still felt the need to absolve himself in this way. Maybe it was just the action of trying to talk to her. Talking it out to no one. She wasn’t listening. She was gone.

He cleared his throat, uncomfortably. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”

No response. Of course there was no response. He groaned, hands back through his hair.

“How am I supposed to be without you? I’ve had to be, the last several years. You’re dead, not here. I know that. I don’t like it, I’ve accepted it though, because what other choice did I have?”

He looked back at the candle. This was supposed to help. He had to keep going.

“If I say I’ve met someone, would you be okay with that?”

Damn, this sounded so stupid. He wanted to beat himself up, it was so stupid.

“Okay, that’s a lie. I’ve known him for a long time. You know him too. Yeah, I know. Him. Surprise, right? I thought I was the straightest guy ever. I guess not.” He sighed, putting his hands down behind him and leaning back. “I just… you know. Can I love him and still love you? The same, but different? Does this make any sense?”

It didn’t, not to him. He hung his head.

“Forgive me? Or… tell me it’s okay. To be with someone other than you.”

She did not answer him. She never would. But he knew what she might say here. She’d tell him he was being an idiot. She had always been more interested in his well being than he had.

He laughed. “Yeah, that’s me. Always the idiot.”

Leaning forward, first with his hands on his knees, he reached forward with his left hand and pinched out the flame with his fingers.

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